time to blog.

it's been a while. im due for a blog.

first of all, i would like to thank the few people that check up on this every now and again for reading. sometimes, you realize how special and undeserved it is that anyone cares about what you have to say. even though i mostly just write to get thoughts out and to talk to God and have a record of what God is doing in my life, it's nice to know that other people care about that stuff.

i was sitting downstairs just now, listening to my parents talk to my dad's aunt over the speakerphone. they were sharing some family issues with her, to which she could definitely relate. she is a good woman, and one who has been through a lot. although i was not fully paying attention, i overheard her saying something to the effect of "well, you know these girls, they get it in their minds that they're in love, and that's it, it's over... some guy comes along and treats her nicely and makes her feel special, and she sees no reason to probe deeper into who he is or what his character is like. they get so happy and so determined, sometimes there isn't anything you can do..." it broke my heart to hear it, because i know what they're talking about, and i know that it's true. in many cases, for many people, it's true. because it's what they've been waiting for, their whole lives. they believe it's the pinnacle or the meaning of their very existence. they aren't finding satisfaction or wholeness in their creator-- let alone intimacy or any sort of relationship-- and so they look for it elsewhere. wisdom gets cast out to sea, and logic is thrown to the wind.

i'm so sick of hearing the line, "follow your heart." i am, without a doubt, captivated by romance. i love the idea of being in love. but it is not something i take lightly. nor is it something i want to rush into blindly. follow GOD, and he will grant you the desires of your heart!!! the unled heart is deceptive, and lusts after the desires of this world. this can be true for believers and unbelievers alike. you need to know that you are whole and loved and accepted and cherished by God, the ultimate romantic, before you go looking for your own completion in another flawed human being.

when it comes to finding a spouse for you, i believe that God has created someone who your heart AND your mind AND your soul can agree upon. im so glad that this is an area that i've allowed God to create anew in me, because a different version of myself might be very cynical by now. but i refuse to stop believing in true, God-designed romance, and i refuse to settle for anything less! may God give you the same patience to wait for His plans for your life and not get sucked into the worldly model of His greatest gift. it's such a counterfeit....

so, i didn't even plan on blogging about that when i headed upstairs hahahahahaha! isn't that just God's way... you start upon a path on your own accord, and he takes you on the tangent where you end up finding the greatest revelation. there is nothing more powerful or more life-changing than the perfect love of God. but it's soooo not enough to just know about it! two millennia of Christianity-gone-wrong should have convinced us of this... we have to KNOW Him... and when you know Him, you know His love. because God is love. Love is God. They are inseparable. When you love your neighbor or your enemy, you share a bit of God with them. That's why unbelievers cannot understand it, cannot put a satisfactory meaning to it, and are utterly mystified by it... they believe they can achieve or share this perfect Love without God. But such an act is impossible, because they are one and the same.

...... now what did i really plan on blogging about???? hahahahahaha!!!

oh yes... it was just this: since i have entered into the special education program at eastern, i've gotten a lot of the same response from people who inquire about my field; "oh that's so great! it takes a very special type of person to do that...." maybe so, but that doesn't make me a saint... nor does it make the students some type of animal. truth be told, the students that i have met along the way have made such an impact on my life, that i consider it an honor to work with them. no, of course they're not angels... but who in high school is?? i have found some of the biggest hearts in the amazing people i have met along the way. one in particular stands out to me from this semester...

he is my age-- 22. many people have judged him his whole life, and have looked at his labels of being cognitively impaired, emotionally impaired, and having ADHD. yet, if you look a little further, you see a charming and funny boy who is a pleasure to spend time with. though he reads at the same rate as most second graders, he is taking care of preschoolers with disabilities two days a week--- on a volunteer basis. he also cares for a man with dementia on his weekends. two other days, he goes to school-- despite the fact that he still struggles with the work, and despite the fact that it's forty minutes each way by bus. now look at the two of us and tell me who is more honorable? (ok don't really, but you see my point... don't insult the students by telling me i'm a saint for working with them. as high schoolers who have an even rougher time of it than most kids their age, they should be the ones receiving the applause.)

ooh, another random tangent--- what Pete spoke this morning at church, was very, VERY timely for me. actually, i think i always feel that... but especially today :) unfortunately, i forgot my notebook, so i don't have any notes from the sermon, but it would definitely be worth listening to on podcast later! i guess i have just been feeling so disconnected from God lately (which is of my own accord, of course, because we are never truly disconnected, praise Him!) and relying on my own emotions too much. or giving too much weight to them. i definitely fed some worldly cravings that left me feeling empty and dissatisfied. of course, at this stage they seem harmless... nothing bad has happened and i haven't harmed or hurt anyone. but what was the fruit of it all? nothing but emptiness and ugliness! do i want to look like this world? definitely not. so why do i insist on putting it in front of my eyes all day, every day? what we feed on is what we reproduce. i want my fruit to be only one thing: pure, beautiful, unadulturated JESUS. nothing else is, or will ever be, good enough.

that is all.

PSALM 40:1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay.
And set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth-
Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.
Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

The West Wind Is Coming!!!!

I asked God what he wanted to tell me today. About life. About our life together. About my family. He said just one thing. "The winds are changing. The west wind is coming."

I remember a teaching a while ago in church about the four winds of heaven. I could be wrong, but I think a guest speaker (Bishop John?) gave it. I remember agreeing with the message and being impacted by it, but I can't find my notes on it. So all I have to go on is the Bible. The only thing I can find on the west wind is in Exodus 10:19.

And the Lord changed the wind to a very strong west wind, which caught up the locusts and carried them into the Red Sea. Not a locust was left anywhere in Egypt.

In contrast, there are numerous passages about the east wind. The east wind brings heat. plague. draught. famine.

The west wind brings relief. respite. renewal.

He is a good God.

Conception of Dreams

I am listening to a new song. It's not a worship song. It's not even a Christian song. But it spoke to me. Or rather, Papa spoke to me through it. Even now, as I listen to it again, it is as if his words are pulsing through the melody line.

"It's time for new dreams. You are going to conceive dreams that are bigger than yourself. You feel that you are not strong enough, or significant enough to carry them. But I AM the author, the Father of big dreams! I will not plant something within your heart, only to see it die."

I am excited and scared! Scared in a good way. Now is the time to meet with my Maker in the secret place... and just dream together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILm6BNVmv7I

Rest.

there is a reason for everything.

today, i am sick and home from work and school. ive got bronchitis, which has been coming on for a long while. i have been fighting to keep life going as usual, unaware that maybe God wanted me to just rest and recuperate. so now i am, and it is so good!

i have spent today sleeping, listening to music, and watching youtube videos of some awesome speakers. already, i am receiving so much. it is like a vacation for my soul. i was just listening to allen hood speak about the third heaven, the city built by God. it is ridiculous. he talks about how God revealed to him how we strive and strive and yet it carries no power because we have no vision of the Holy City. we dont know anything about it! we are CITIZENS of that city! how can we not know???

Allen mentioned that the apostle John fell down three times in the New Testament: once before Jesus, once before the Bride in Revelation, and once before the Holy City.

Where are you living?

Colossians 3:1-2

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not the things of this earth.

Back in the mix!

Yeah I haven't blogged for a while. But life has been crazy busy. Again.

So busy that I didn't even go on facebook for five whole days.

THAT is busy.

But here I am again.

I have actually been at starbucks with Carla "I'm not white" Beaver for the past four or five hours. It has been a huge breath of fresh air for me, having been fully immersed in the world all week with very little respite. I have realized that even those of us who are naturally very extroverted and would love to be around people all the time need to take time out daily to eat and drink from the Word. I've always known it, but now I've experienced it in such a profound. When there is literally no time at all to be alone with God, I feel like I'm starving with a hunger that no material can satisfy. I have felt so spiritually crappy all week, and I could feel my eyes, usually alight with life and love and innocent wonder, begin to grow dim and weary.

Today, I've had some really weird experiences. God works so creatively. I was lying in bed this morning, and I looked over at my bookshelf. I saw a book there that I bought a while ago and have never read. It was called "why good arguments often fail" and was written from a Christian POV. All of a sudden, I had the impulse to throw it away. I don't hardly ever do this to books, so I wondered why I would do that. It was more than the thought that I would probably never get around to reading it. I realized that it was not in step with the purpose that God has for me. We are not called to argue with logic. God has granted us wisdom and insight, but he has also given us the Holy Spirit, who can enable us to do things that are out of our power and nature. It is not logic that overcomes logic. It is not logic that casts out demons and clears confusion. It's love. It's the word of the Spirit that all other powers bend to in defeat.

This afternoon, I felt led to type in "worry" in Bible Gateway to lead me to something to blog about. I was intent on NOT blogging about Matthew 26, because I have done so before. What really caught my eye was Luke 12:11-12. It confirmed what I knew in my heart, and gave me a lovely reference point for it. It places boldness in my heart once again, and makes me excited for school to start again! Life is so good when we continually ask God for new opportunities to share with people, in confidence that he will honor that desire. All I have to do is listen and follow. Everything that I need and that anyone else needs is already available.

I don't want to defeat anyone with my carefully crafted logic. When I do that, I am using the mere powers of men, and I leave the person feeling judged and ostracized. When I argue, I argue not with an ideology, a religion, or a belief. I argue with a person.

God > my brain. Thank you, God.

The second thing that hit me was the song "Your Love Never Fails." I think I've referenced it in previous blogs. It has been the anthem of my year. Anyways, I had that song in my head earlier... later on, I knew that God wanted to share something with me from my journal. So I flipped open to the page from this day last year. All that was written was the lyrics to a song, "Your Love Never Fails." I read through them, and they are so good, each and every time. I flipped through a few more pages, and the journal fell open to another page. Top corner, sprawled in fancy script and surrounded by hearts, was written "Your love never fails." It is something that I really needed to hear today. I have felt distant from God lately, and frustrated because I felt helpless to do a thing about it. In addition, it sometimes felt like no one really cared. Not that they didn't like me or whatever, but it's difficult to be in a setting with a lot of people who don't know you well and feeling like, even though they liked me, they probably didn't care all that much whether I was there or not. I know that these are lies that are whispered in your ear to keep you silent and insecure, but it is very easy to believe them sometimes. So God is so good, and he knows exactly what we need to hear at each and every moment. I love Him. So. Much.

Lord, I pray for new opportunities for tomorrow and even tonight to reach people and show them your glory! I ask that you fill us all with boldness to take a stand in you. Give me a mouth that boasts of You and Your wonder! Eliminate all of our insecurities and earthly mindsets, and instead fix our minds in the heavenlies! Lord, I ask that You reveal yourself to anyone reading this. I pray that You drown them in the experience of Your love, and set them on fire to burn for you forever! Remove all the lies that we have believed in, Papa, and help us to serve You better. Let us not be quick to argue and let every word from our mouths be motivated by Your love. Let us not be silent. We need You, God.

Luke 12:11-12

When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you are to say.

Acceptance.

I was reading in Matthew 26, which begins with the plot to kill Jesus and ends with the trial before the Sanhedrin and Peter's denial. Somehow, the revelation that I got from it was not what I expected. I looked at Jesus, knowing who he is, knowing some of what he had done up until that point, and knowing how flawless he was. I saw that here was a man who dealt with his humanity. That very day, he sat alone in a garden and pleaded with his Father to grant him an alternative to hell. And yet, he chose to be obedient. His eyes were steady on Jerusalem; on his mission. I saw how perfect he was. And yet, they still crucified him. They still hardened their hearts toward him. They still did not believe. And those who did still denied him.

Sometimes, I have these notions that if I truly am obedient to the Spirit and only speak and do as He leads, then people will all listen and believe and love every word. Or, at the very least, they will love the presence of God. But how can I assume this when people turned away even when God walked among them? Jesus was hated with an all-consuming, murderous hatred. Why is it that we allow even the slightest rejection of the truth to discourage us? It might not be idealistic, but it is reality. Even when revival comes, there are those who will criticize and mock and refuse to believe in God. But He is worth it. He is worth living and celebrating and fighting for.

My heart prays that I, and each one of us, become ever more steady and firm in our convictions and relationship with Jesus. Never, ever, ever do I want to hear "I do not know that man," fall from my lips in reference to my Christ. The One who lives, not even just among us, but within us.

Waiting for my "The Spoon Does Not Exist" tshirt :)

Is it ok to not be ok?

Just when you adapt to change, when you begin to feel like you're coping and everything is ok, the bottom falls out of it all. Your routine, your life, and all of the players in it change up, and you are left feeling shaky and unsure. Everything changes. That's how life goes. Everything changes. And then it changes again.

Not God. God never changes.

His love never changes.

Tonight is a very serious night. Not because anything serious or major occurred. But because I am anticipating more change. And I am not sure that I'm ok with it yet. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to make peace with the circumstances that are entirely out of your control. To believe that God won't let something die without bringing to life something even more beautiful. To know that he is a faithful God, who will not leave a giant, gaping hole in our life. To know that he knows our needs, and will allow us to lack for nothing. I live life believing these things. I have come to trust him, and know that he is full of goodness. But once in a while, a moment creeps up where another truth hits you... it still hurts. God has promised to be our comfort. This requires that there be some reason to be comforted. And, hard as it sometimes is to deal with pain, God doesn't want us to become desensitized. After all, it was recorded several times that Jesus himself wept. Grief is natural, and promised.

David spoke of God as a refuge 43 times in the book of Psalms. There's a man who knew what's up. He knew that it wasn't selfish to acknowledge that he was in a place of need, as long as he was coming to God as his refuge, instead of the vices of the world. He also didn't believe it selfish to ask for mercy, or deliverance. There was no "if it's Your will," preface as we sometimes believe we have to use in prayer. He straight up asked God for what his heart desired. He knew God so intimately, and spoke words that are so easy to relate to.

Tonight is a very. VERY. weepy. night. I've got nothing to do but talk to God and write this blog. Which seems like the two hardest things to do, until you actually do them. And then, you realize it was exactly what you needed to do. Spend time in the shadow of His wings... and then blog about it, to process it.

Life doesn't have to be sunshine all the time. Even the die-hard optimists have their rocky days. The most important thing is to come to God with it, and not to drown in a sea of self-pity. It's a killer, that self-pity. It tells you that life will never get better, that no one cares, that death looks delicious in comparison. But God cares about us in ways we can never fathom. He is here even now, and has tasted our grief. He knows exactly what I am feeling in this very moment, because he is living it with me. There is always an end to today's tears. There is a rainbow after the storm. And there is a lover who will love us through it. He whispers of a home where there is no ugliness, no tears, no goodbyes. And everything that is now only images in my mind's eye will finally be revealed.

ps: the song "dance with me" (jesusculture) has proven itself to intensify, rather than relieve, the weepies. you have been warned. :)

Psalm 17:7

Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 18:30

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.

Psalm 57:1

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in You my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

Psalm 142:5

I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."

My Soul Sings.

very well. i have been slacking off....
but i have you know, before you come to any false conclusions, life has been far busier than i could have ever anticipated. most of the days that ive missed blogging, i have spent a total of less than an hour at home (not sleeping) and next to none on the computer.

i do think about it every day.

which leaves me in a pickle. i did promise to keep it up for forty straight days. and i did already blow that, multiple times.

thank God that I'm under so much grace.

i will keep blogging as often as i can... im thankful at this point for travel bibles that make it possible to have quiet times regardless of where in the world you are or how many minutes you have free.

church today was awesome. i really appreciated the word that ryan fluetsch brought about the word of God versus threats. ive been thinking about it in those terms all day, but for a much longer period of time ive been contemplating the same concepts in my own thoughts.

the world is bent on bombarding us with threats all the time. some of them seem very logical (the economy is bad. we need to do x, y, and z to stay ahead.) but are according to the systems of man and not those of God. when we bury ourselves in God, what he says, and living through Him, things look much differently. all of a sudden, we realize that following His voice is what will lead us into satisfaction, joy, and peace. this looks different for everybody. i believe that for everyone, it means coming into an understanding that we are to hold onto our earthly possessions very loosely; knowing that they belong to God and that we do not have ownership of them.

this is deeper than possessions, though. this is the enemy working to cause us to forget who we belong to, and what authority we are to answer to. he uses the world to fill our heads with ideas and theories that make sense according to the world, but are base and beneath what we are called to. it takes no faith at all to live by the world's standards. even successfully.

the word of God holds every answer. to everything. there will never be anything i can say that will come close to even the most unimpressive verse of the Bible. there is so much wisdom and meaning hidden within every line. and it is so applicable, if only we would take the time to listen and learn. this MUST be where we draw our identity. our feelings MUST come into alignment with the truth within! without grounding ourselves in the word each day, we are left to believe whatever deception is thrown at us. when Jesus himself was being tempted, he did not retaliate by using his wits or his strength, but with the very word of God. he knew that there was no offensive like the pure truth.

that message brought me back. i got absolutely wrecked on hebrews 4:12 a few months ago. Jesus is transforming my heart and mind more and more every day <3

Hebrews 4:12-13

For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.

YUMMMM!!!

there is so much goodness. i am just overwhelmed right now by the lover God who just pours out every good thing with abundance on his children. today began in a really rough manner, but it's ending in giddiness. i have found the covering for my sporadic emotions. it is here, and there, and everywhere. it is God. ive been trying to process all of the emotions and pain and the things that have been causing them lately, and just realizing that some of what i am feeling is not valid. well, by the world's standards it is. but by God's standards, it is out of alignment with his perfect truth. when i get into a funk, sometimes i just want to wallow. but wallowing isn't God's way. he wants us to come to him each and every time our hearts get scraped and bruised. he loves us PERFECTLY and wants to teach us how to accept that love. today, as i was distressed and avoiding the truest solution, i realized i needed to prepare for a bible study more thoroughly than i already had. so i hit the passage, read some study guides, and felt my worries melt away as awe struck me yet again.

1 John chapter 5 is so lovely. i mean, it really is beautiful. it goes into some really fundamental Gospel truths and does it in an "aha!" way. Bible study went really well and i know that the Holy Spirit led us all.

(Change in direction in the blog) i so want to just feed the poor and talk with them and heal every broken thing. i want to show the beauty of God in an ugly, ugly world. i want to love people.

hip hop makes my heart so happy. where are the Godly hip hop artists?? c'mon guys. rise up. im sick of having to avoid the greatest beats because of the worst lyrics. (although i am currently indulging in a little fabolous... not so bad, but it doesn't hold a torch to worship music.) God has really been sensitizing me to bad lyrics and spirits behind bad media these days. i can't watch or listen to a fraction of what i used to find entertaining. i praise him for this... some things are never supposed to be acceptable.

im starting to realize the truth in that: what you put in, you get out. what you input, you eventually become. if you feed on lies, then they will eventually become your reality. sometimes you aren't even aware of it until Jesus hits you with truth and rocks everything you thought you knew. its a beautiful thing.

ps: read this:
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=117717479108&id=799248727&ref=mf
it is so better than anything im going to write tonight.

"Do not try and bend the spoon, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth: there is no spoon." ~The Matrix

1 John 5:3-4

For this is the love of God: that we keep His commandments. And his commands are not burdensome, for whatever is born of God overcomes the world. For this is the victory that has overcome the world -- our faith.

ps...

Truth. Pure relevant truth.

Sometimes I can just see him smiling down at us.

:)

Isaiah 54:5

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

fully dependent.

oh man.

im in a state of delirium tonight. it's only 11 and i feel like my brain fell asleep a couple of hours ago.

the only thing i have to say relates to the funny little oddity that our society expects us to be independent, or want to be independent.

i tried independence. it sucks.

i would so rather be dependent on Christ, the one who does everything so better than i.

he is good. he is so good.

with that, listen to this:
www.relevantmagazine.com/media/the-drop

"consumed" is the latest jesus culture cd.

i want it. i love it.

ps i met ian mcintosh at jesus culture. that made my heart way happy.

Covenant Love.

Well, I'm back from Jesus Culture and all the craziness of life has melted away (for the most part.) This is actually going to be an unusually unstructured week, and I'm glad for it.

Life is, yet again, taking a new turn of seasons. It's so rapid that I barely have time to fathom everything. I am learning to truly trust God in decision making, because I haven't the time myself to weigh all the consequences before needing to make a choice. It's a good thing. Looking back, I can see the intense wisdom in all the choices I believe he led me to make. He lives life so much better than I.

Jesus Culture was.... unreal. I have literally hours' worth of stories, which is impressive, coming from a three day conference. God did so very much in my life. He is so awesome. I can't even get into all the details from the conference, otherwise I'd be writing forever. If you want to know more than what I share in this blog in the next few days, please contact me and we will have coffee or something. God is doing some heavy, heavy stuff these days. Don't be out of the know. We are called to be watchmen in the night.

Tonight, I will share with you about one of the areas that God has really been speaking to me and transforming my life and views. It is in the area of relationships. During the Thursday, God began to break some soul ties... you know, even when a relationship itself isn't bad or impure, some level of dysfunction can occur when you are outside of the perfect will of God for your life. I recognized this and was moved to action. Actually, it was awesome. And is awesome. I am so thankful for all the people God has planted in my life.

In worship on Friday, I was so moved during worship. I was so thankful and aware of the freedom in Him when you are moving and living according to His will. So I began to dialogue with Him, and asked God what he wanted for me in this next season, and how I can best serve Him. I would do anything, I said. Anything.

He always honors that plea. Immediately, I felt a burning jealousy in my heart. I have never experienced this. God told me it was how He feels about me. This love that is from Him is not airy fairy and full of fluff. It is intense. It burns like fire. It is jealous. Love wants me entirely for Himself. I couldn't even stand in the presence of Jesus, experiencing the Love like that. I realized how short I come in my relationship with Him, even at the best of times. He craves our full devotion, our whole heart and being. In that instant, I knew what He was asking of me. And I was more than ok to give it. I wrote about the experience in my journal, which is how I will explain it on here:

"God has called me into covenant with himself... we are going deeper in relationship as He takes me to even greater places and prepares me for living out my destiny. I am called to the honor of singleness for the next year and a half-- until my college graduation and twenty-fourth birthday. I am very convinced that this is God's best for my life. We are in love, we are in covenant. His chosen man for me will wait and is waiting even now."

It is a great relief to know that I can shut the radar off and just be with Christ for a while. This is truly the best thing I can do, both for God and myself. I have done this before, for shorter periods, and it has been a wonderful growing time. Singleness is something that I have become very satisfied with, and even protective of. It is not something to be ashamed of at all. It is glorious in ways that Paul recognized, and few people today do. It is so wonderful to find your completion in Christ alone. To seek love in Christ. To have the freedom to spend time with friends and family, and to nurture and encourage their relationship with Jesus. I am excited for how He is going to use this time!!!!

Jesus Culture!

i dont know what to think.
what to feel.
or how to prepare myself.

all i know, is that im open.
to whatever God has for me.
and i KNOW he is going to arrive in a powerful way.

the writing's on the wall....................

SPEAK TO THE DRY BONES TODAY!

This Just In...

Life sure does come with a lot of surprises!

So, this week is going to be impossibly busy, and I'm not sure I can commit to being consistent with this blog. I will keep it up when I can, but as it stands, I have to work all weekend, my relatives are coming to visit today, we might be at Cedar Point on Monday, and I will be in Chicago for Jesus Culture from next Wednesday- Saturday.

God knows. There is grace for busy-ness.

Love Love Love....

The Love. The Holiness. The Grace.

God is love.
Therefore, everything God does is out of love for us.
He is incapable of acting otherwise.
Because it would be entirely outside of his nature.
There is such a balance...
between his love for us as people and his intolerance of the sin we commit.
When you realize how holy and set apart God is, that he cannot even coexist with sin...
it makes you realize how awesome the grace is.
How amazing his mercy truly is.
Because he has completely eradicated the sin from us, when we say "yes" to Him.
He could have chosen to smite all of us.
It would have been the easier way.
But he didn't.
Because easy isn't his thing.
He does everything with excellence.
EVERYTHING is intentional!
He is such a personal Person!
He could so simply open up the realms so that heaven literally invades earth without our consent-- but he chooses to showcase his glory through us!
Because he knows how much of a blessing and an honor it is to be a vessel... and he wants to teach us how to be his Body here on earth.
He wants to draw us into relationship with Him, and teach us how much better life is with Him at the helm.
When we let go of the control, and let Him shake out all the religion in us.
And all the impurity.
And all the unbelief.
Til there is nothing left but Him and His reality.




And we still choose to believe that there are certain areas of our life that are outside of God's control or interest?
Get Real.

Psalm 42:8

By day, the Lord directs His love; at night, his song is with me-- a prayer to the God of my life.

Joel 2:13

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

Romans 8:39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the presence nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 4:16

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Identity.

I am so very tired. Today was my seventh consecutive day working, and third closing shift in a row. I am very much looking forward to a couple of days off starting tomorrow. Life seems overwhelming or even discouraging at times, but there is much to be thankful for.

Today, I was reading through Matthew 16, and there are four verses that I keep receiving knowledge of our identity from. Jesus is speaking to Peter, but it is as if he is speaking to all of us. He is affirming Peter in who he is, and telling him of what God has promised him in this life. There is such power in that promise! It is such an encouragement to know that Jesus himself told us that he has given us the keys to the kingdom!

There are some things that we are born with that are flawed; weak. It is in these areas that God can show his glory the greatest, by making us strong. I think I can relate to this passage a lot, because I believe I am tempermentally a lot like Peter. I look at the things he said and did, and I think we are probably not that different. He talks a lot, sometimes without thinking. He is passionate, yet weak-willed and without commitment. He is emo and has mood swings. Yet God created him for such an awesome purpose. He used who Peter was, and he transformed the weak and flawed areas to create a new identity who was truly a force to be reckoned with. All because Peter believed, and chose to follow his Jesus.

Matthew 16:16-19

Simon Peter answered and said: "You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God."

Jesus answered and said to him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.

And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.

And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on the earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on the earth will be loosed in heaven."

the connection of the body

FIRST CORINTHIANS TWEEEEELVE!!!

It is so crazy to me that I can be sensing and learning things directly from the Holy Spirit, whether through the Bible or through direct revelation, and discover soon afterward that the people in my life are getting the same impression from God. This can occur completely independently from one another, without even communicating with one another beforehand. What I mean is, it is one thing to tell someone an idea, which spurs an idea in their mind, which causes both parties to come to the same conclusion. It is another thing altogether when two people are fed the same ideas and revelation and, when they come together and talk, realize that they have been thinking about the exact same things, and have drawn the same conclusions without consulting one another. This is God. This is the amazing body of Christ. He communicates to each member of the body, and not one of us is left out of the loop, if we will only listen.

This is the way it was today with Judith. We spoke of the same things that have been laying on our hearts. Jude even read a quote that put into words many of the things that I have tried to articulate. God knows exactly how to make us see how connected we really are, even when time or distance does not allow for more frequent catch-ups. It's awesome to hear about what is going on in the lives of my friends around the world, and to hear about what God is teaching them. It is always amazing to me how similar, in many ways, their journey is to my own. We are working toward something bigger than ourselves. God is preparing us to birth something remarkable in the world. We need to realize our parts and PRESS IN to what God has for us!!! Not just for our own selfish reasons, but for the whole, completed Body, including those who have not yet been added.

Also, I love how God reveals to us from time to time a need that someone has at the exact right moment. It is as though we are sending signals to one another through a miraculous go-between. It is so encouraging to know that even when we are alone, we are NEVER alone. God is always with us, and he chooses to use others to bless us as well and let us know that we are not alone in our pursuit; our heart is shared.

Now we need to drink, drink, drink the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 12:12-13

Now the body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into the body- whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free- and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

Grace Like Rain.

I really have a lot to say. And the will to say it. But not the energy. I was going to talk about the church of Acts. But I think I would prefer to save it for tomorrow. Sometime when I can find the words.

Right now, I'm listening to "Grace Like Rain" by Todd Agnew. There is a cool breeze coming through my window, and it really isn't that hard to imagine. Grace like rain, falling down on me. All my sins, all my cares, all my bad feelings are washed away.

Today was a mish mash of so many things, both good and hard. Church was interesting. I will talk about that more tomorrow, though. I really feel like a kid sometimes. Not knowing where on the earth she is, or where she is going. Having no one there but her daddy. And just holding onto his hand. Because it's all she can do. Just be led, and trust that her Father knows perfectly well where he's taking her. And knowing that it must be someplace good.

Tomorrow, I am meeting together with Judith. And we are going to change the world.

In devotions, I was noticing how Jesus walks off by himself from time to time. That there are certain times that he knows he needs to be alone with the Father. Quite a few incidences of this are mentioned, actually. It's a good reminder that we aren't called to just spend all of our time and energy with people, constantly giving more than we can recharge. God knows that's an impossible task for any human. And he craves our time, too. There is a time for everything. Jesus displayed it so well. There was a time when he sent the multitudes away, and a time when he called them to Himself. There was a time when he wanted to be known, and a time when he wished to remain anonymous.

Ok. That's all for today. Thank you, Father, for the grace to mess up. To make mistakes. To learn at a slower pace than others. And thank you for the grace to ramble once in a while. Even when we feel like we have nothing of substance to say.

Matthew 14:13A

When Jesus heard it, He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself.

Matthew 14:23

And when he had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.

Thankful

I am just so thankful for the life God has given me.
For the wonderful people in it.
And, above all, for His awesome presence.
He knows what I need before I am even aware of it.
He cares.

Psalm 34:8

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

The one pearl of great value.

Just read Matthew 13. It is a chapter full of great parables and instructions from Christ. It is also a very long chapter, and one that I could immerse myself in for days. There is such depth in it. But three verses in particular caught my eye. They are two very short parables that have never meant much to me, because no one ever talks about them and they are small. And, as we know, what is small is also invariably insignificant. NOT SO! After reading them over the first time, I thought to myself "these must be important... they are in the Bible. They MUST be important, even though they seem so trivial at first glance."

It hit me after reading them over a few more times. They are two images of just how valuable the kingdom of God is. This is more than religious dogma we are talking about. This is something worth living and dying for! The parables depict something so great and costly that it is worth selling all you have in exchange for it. It is truly treasure, one that is greater than all other things. The gospel. The cross. The kingdom. This magnificent kingdom is something that our simple brains cannot fathom. It is only when "the veil is removed" that we even begin to understand the extravagance and wealth that is in God.

There is so much more. I know there is so much more. I'm having trouble even wording what it is that I'm understanding and hearing right now. I can really relate to this chapter in Matthew, because it speaks a lot about the people who heard Jesus, "and did not hear", who saw him "yet did not see." The disciples questioned Jesus as to why he spoke in parables, and his answer was "because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For whoever has, more will be given, and he will have abundance. But whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him." I believe this scenario occurs often even still... among non-believers, whose spiritual eyes have not yet been opened to the truth; and among believers who either do not understand how to "see" spiritually, or choose to use logic as their only guide. These are just my musings. Maybe I'm off on this point. I have been in several different situations lately, however, where I end up getting sad in knowing that I can't make anyone "see" anything via fancy words or convincing arguments. It's a God thing. Not to say that logic is to be abandoned; my mind comes alive when I choose to press in to the things of the Spirit. It is for that purpose that my mind was created. JESUS....

May we live with eyes wide open.
May we see.
May we hear.
May we taste.
May we know.
May we spread the revelation across the nations like wild fires.
This is the pearl of great price.
This is the hidden treasure.

Matthew 13:44-46

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls; who, when he has found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it."

How We Think

I felt compelled to write this page down from the awesome book "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson. It has really been speaking to me a lot lately. I keep coming back to this one passage every time I open the book; I've read it three or so times already haha. The way they word things... often times makes things just click in my head. It is like my head can finally get over all the confusion and come into agreement with the truth my heart has already accepted. I have found this to be the case with every book that I've read from Bethel, which is why I keep buying and reading them hahaha. I believe God has given a lot of wisdom to the leaders in Redding. One thing I really love about reading the books is that it confirms to me that there are people out there living as I desire to live. In devotion to the Lord, living in constant relationship with him and constantly listening to his Spirit's voice. It gives me great courage to step out of the norm and just love and live in the true freedom.

How We Think

The mind set on the flesh is death and at war with God. That is the "unrenewed" mind. In essence, the renewed mind is the mind of Christ. It is able to demonstrate the will of God, which is best described in the prayer, "Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." (Matt 6:10). The exhortation of Scripture is clear, "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:5 NKJV). The renewing of the mind begins with our new identity obtained at the cross. We were once slaves of sin, but are now slaves of righteousness. Our thought life must support that reality. The apostle Paul emphasized that in his letter to the church at Rome, saying, "Even so, think of yourself dead to sin" (Rom 6:11). It's an attitude... a way of thinking... an evidence of repentence.

The mind has a power to affect our behavior either positive or negatively. But it does not possess the power to change our nature. That alone is accomplished when we are born again. When people are born again, they are transformed from the inside out. It is not the external things that are likely to change first. God takes up residence in our hearts, transforming us, as it really is an inside job. On the other hand, religion works on the outside. While it can bring conformity, it is powerless to bring transformation.

"For as he thinks within himself, so he is" (Prov. 23:7). When we are charged to think of ourselves as dead to sin, it is more than a suggestion to think positively about our conversion. It is an invitation to step into the momentum of a reality made available only through the cross. The supernatural power released in this way of thinking is what creates a lifestyle of freedom. It is able to do this because is it TRUTH. To say that I have sinned is true. To say that I am free of sin is truer still. The renewed mind is necessary to more consistently taste the supernatural life, which God intended to be the normal Christian life.

~~Bill Johnson, The Supernatural Ways of Royalty; page 56.

Refuge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io4tDMLQICA

"Come to me with all of this.

Tell me your stories. Don't bottle it up, my friend. Don't harden your heart against me, love. I have tasted death for you.

I know you.

I am well acquainted with who you are, the ins and outs of your personality. I know what you feel and how your emotions work. And I can take care of them. I can protect you and your heart. You are safe in my arms. I know your burdens. Thank you for giving them over. Because you're right-- you can't take this...

But I can. And I have."

O boundless love divine! How shall this tongue of mine/To wondering mortals tell the matchless grace divine-- That I, a child of hell, should in His image shine!
The Comforter has come!

Delight.

I am just so thankful for God, and for my relationship with him. As I survey the past ten days, I can see already how things have changed slightly; the consistency is something new to me. I really enjoy it. I enjoy coming to him day after day and seeing what he has to say and how I am growing in our relationship. It is not static, but changes as I do. He is so amazing. There is nothing-- absolutely nothing-- that is boring or typical about him. Thank you, Lord, for being everything I need. Thank you for laying hold of my heart and never letting me down. You are awesome.

For those who haven't heard "Can't Stop" by Leeland, do. I love that song!

1 Samuel 2:1-2

"My heart rejoices in the Lord; My horn is exalted in the Lord. I smile at my enemies, because I rejoice in Your salvation.

No one is holy like the Lord, for there is none besides You, nor is there any rock like our God."

Your beauty stands out like a bright light shining through the clouds/ It's overwhelming just to be with you now.

ALL. SURPASSING. POWER.

!!!

Oh man. Second Corinthians is one of my favorites. When I read it, I have a thousand little mind explosions every single time. I am not even doing devotions there (I'm in Matthew) but my mom drew reference to it yesterday, so I looked up the passage she read and my life hasn't quite been the same since... hahahahahah!!!

So I started out in Matthew 11-- also a great favorite. In it, we are told that "blessed is he who is not offended because of Me" (Jesus speaking in verse 6: NKJV) I have never read this passage in this translation. It takes on a whole different tone than "Blessed is he who does not fall away because of me." (NIV). To me, this speaks of not letting Christ offend you and shake your faith just because the message he brings is so controversial. It speaks of blessing when we simply believe that Christ brought a greater message than that of salvation through works, and sought, not to deceive us, but to bring us into the glorious truth that is available to us. One that is so mind-blowing in its greatness; simple at its core, and yet immeasurable in its depth and vastness.

Later in the chapter, Jesus says, "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it" (verse 12, NIV.) In NKJV, the same verse reads, "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." Is this a bad thing? Or good? After all, Jesus himself has told us to pray that "your kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven." (Matthew 6:10). I believe that God is calling us to claim what is ours, the great gift that he has given to us. There is a kingdom that is available to us NOW.... that if we were only to lay hands on it, would enable us to raise the dead and cast out demons and every infirmity. But it will not come to the passive. It requires action on our part. It requires spiritual violence: action that is spurred by conviction that God is alive in me and has enabled me to carry out great works for the glory of his name!! What can stand against that? I am further convinced of this point from reading in Second Corinthians.

Right after some of my favorite verses of all time (Second Corinthians 3:16-18... I will blog about it some other time, most likely :) comes one which has beautiful imagery of who we are called to be. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7) ...................... WHAT??!!!! Let's review.

All-surpassing power. The treasure within us. That we are supposed to SHOW. I am personally going to take this as a challenge, to step out TODAY and into the life that Christ has called me to live. A life that doesn't abuse God's righteousness by claiming it as her own, or pervert the kingdom of God by claiming it is available only to those with a special calling. No. This is for each of us. There is power in each of us the moment we ask Christ to live inside of us. Whether we choose to believe or acknowledge or live in that is our choice. If we expect to see salvation of the nations through persuasive words or kind deeds, how much more can we expect through amazing displays of His power, and personal experiences with a living God?

He has not called me to heal people. He has called me to step out in faith and believe that He will do it. I cannot save anyone. But I can share the gospel and the power behind it and believe that He will.

Oh, King of Glory, have your glory....

2 Corinthians 4:7

For we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

Matthew 11:3-6

"Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?"

Jesus answered and said to them, "Go and tell John the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me."

Sabbath/ Glimpse Into The Past

I have been asking Papa what he wants me to share today. But I keep on hearing that today is the Sabbath, and that I need to take it as one. So I am not going to write anything original. Instead, I am going to share with you an old journal entry, taken from an evening when I saw God's glory and power the clearest. This is the God I know, and can never deny.

6/8/08

Treasure Hunting

After viewing the amazing movie "Kung Fu Panda" at the Emagine Theatre in Novi, a group of seven of us decided to stay in Fountain Walk to pray for and bless people. The sky was already dark, and the atmosphere had changed markedly since we entered the cinema. Looking across the courtyard, all that could be seen were clubs and a Hooters restaurant-- and people. Lots and lots of people. To stand in that place was to feel a sea of emotions eminating from the people around us. Confusion, escape, shame, depression. Would these people even be receptive to what we carry?

We lapped the buildings, praying and searching for people to pray for. Hoping that an "easy target" would show themself. None did, and we were back where we began. Some of the others in our group had engaged in conversation with (and prayed for) some people, but we were all holding out for a healing. Our collective faith level was very high, and we knew this was God's intent. Several times, we approached people to pray for them, and you could tell they were blessed by the gesture. But beyond that, we had very little evidence from the supernatural realm that we were achieving anything for Christ. Then, something weird happened...

Four of us stood outside a building, "Club 66," while many people lined up at the door, and others passed by on their way to or from somewhere. All of a sudden, a loud, obnoxious voice came from a guy rounding the corner. He was obviously wasted, and his shirt was wet. "I'm going to Club 66 to worship the devil!" he declared. By this time we, as well as many others, were staring at the man. He looked right at us defiantly, and asked, "do you love the devil?" We said no, and he replied with, "Well f- you, f- you, f- you, and f- you!" pointing at each one of us as he cursed us and passed us by. We stood there, dumbstruck. We had not said a word to provoke the question. OUr of the masses, this guy had singled us out, and pointed directly at us as he cursed us. Wow. If that isn't a supernatural sign of God's amazing power shifting the atmosphere, then I don't know what is!

Soon after this incident, we decided to head out. All of us joined up and were heading out to the parking lot, when we saw a young guy walking with a limp. We chased him down, and saw that he had a brace on his foot. Upon speaking with him for a minute, we learned that his name was Anthony and he had a fractured ankle. We asked if we could pray for him. He said that we could, but that we couldn't put our hands on his ankle in prayer. So we began praying for Anthony, and after a while, asked if he was feeling anything different. He said that his ankle felt different-- that it felt good. He moved it around a little bit, said that it was still broken, but that it did feel better than before. We began praying some more, and checked back after a few more minutes. He once again said that it felt like it was getting better- this time, he was clearly shocked and taken aback. Michael proclaimed that God wanted to heal Anthony's ankle right there, and could we please put our hands on his ankle while we prayed. This time, Anthony said yes. We spent a short time praying and healing his ankle, and this time, he said there was no pain! He walked to one of us and back again with his brace off, and was able to do so with no limping. Praise Jesus, he was completely healed!

During this time, some more young men stood at a distance and watched what was going on. A guy named Brandon approached us afterward, and asked who we were and whether we did this sort of thing often. Through talking with him, we found out that he was a believer, but that this sort of healing ministry was something that he wasn't familiar with. We were able to really share with him, and told him about our church and our Friday night worship and healing services. He said that he was going to come and bring his sister with him. He even exchanged information with Christian.

Hallelujah for open hearts!
Praise God for faith!
It was an incredible evening, and our lives-- as well, I believe, as many others-- were changed forever.

(Lord, today, I am open to whatever encounters you have for me!)

The wages were taken for me.

I've half a mind to not blog tonight, just because I have some really good reasons not to (but, obviously, I will hahaha). I went to work this morning at 5:30 AM. I got off at 12:45, went home to take a shower, and headed out to Saline to go about some very sad family business. We were packing up a house, every last belonging from the place that they had moved into only months before. As their possessions disappeared from the floors and walls, so too did the last shred of hope for a certain future. I literally felt dreams shatter and break as I picked up objects, from the sentimental to the ordinary. I was flooded with emotion. It was a very sobering and draining time. By the time we were done at around 8 PM, I was absolutely exhausted, and somewhat on edge. The uncertainty of tomorrow, let alone next year, can be so daunting at times. But I know God has us in his hands. Safe in his hands. Actually, the day allowed me a chance to reflect on some ideas that have been brought to me recently. I will briefly share some of them.

We all know that "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23...) but I have been discovering more about what this means, and how it can affect even Christians who are unrepentant or have not accepted the grace extended to them. I have seen, in very practical terms, how the area in which you sin is the very area in which you die. For example, if you abuse your health in a specific way, your health will fail you in that specific way. Likewise, if you betray someone in a relationship, the relationship will suffer and perhaps die. The death often occurs where the sin occured, and to the degree that the sin was committed. This is the way of the world. The more you sow, the more you reap. The more you work at something, the greater the wages that you earn. Sin leads to death, both in the spirit and the physical realms.

BUT... the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. How glorious! Eternal life that starts today! As one who has accepted the gift, I have the privilege of living life IN Jesus Christ. Effective immediately. All of the life that he has, as one who has already died and now lives in his immortal body, is mine to live. He has grafted me into his miraculous body, a precious adoption that I could never earn. But will always accept. Always. I am fully alive to Him, just as He is fully alive to me. We are dead to the world, and it is dead to us. There is no power of sin or death over us! In snatching us from the fire, he has redeemed us and claimed that our sin is not counted against us. Indeed, the instant that we repent and accept his forgiveness is the instant Jesus wipes our sin from his record. No longer will the punishment fit the crime. What Jesus accomplished on the cross was no small task; there is power to live and heal and be delivered. There is power to be whole and holy. To become "the righteousness of God." This, friends, is something worth sharing....

2 Corinthians 5:21

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Known and Loved.

This week has been so loaded. It feels like what I share in this blog is just a small portion of all the things that God has been showing me. He has been coming to me this week as the Bridegroom; he speaks to me out of intimacy and love. This has not been the case through much of the past year, where I have been taken by his kingly majesty, his wonderful fathering ways and his fear-inspiring power. But now he sees me, so vulnerable in my places of weakness and humanity, and he lets me know that I am never alone. I am, indeed, surrounded by the very being of Love. Even when I feel pushed aside or taken for granted by the people in my life (from time to time) I know that He is always available, always waiting and eager for me to come and talk with him. I know there is a special place in His heart just for me. Each of us is loved just as greatly, and yet loved in a unique way, as we are unique people.

Add to this knowledge the fact that I am so far from deserving of His love (yes... I very much know this) and it becomes something new and beautiful and messy and moving. There are no words for the way God wrecks me for Himself. There is no other Love. He loves me for my heart and in spite of my heart. He is ravished by us, by the light of our eyes and the aroma of our prayers. He chooses us, knowing that we have been unfaithful. Knowing that we will never measure up. He knows me. He knows me better than I know myself, and he is never surprised by anything that I do or say or think. Oh, that I should know him as it promises in Hosea 2!

Even today, I came to Him and lamented a situation that was causing me pain. I was in a lot of conflict as to what to do and whether I should argue or submit to an opinion that I don't agree with. But he came to me and simply said, "You told the truth. You chose the fruit of your new nature, truth, rather resort to the deceit that has been broken off of you. I know that was hard. Well done." And then the peace surrounded me and I fell apart in His arms.

I am so undone.

Hosea 2:19-20

I will betroth you to Me forever;

Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice,

in lovingkindness and mercy;

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,

and you shall know the Lord.

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same/ You are amazing, God.

Church, here's what I think of your religion...

If it's not in the Bible.... I don't want it.

If it is in the Bible.... I do want it.

The End.

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

FAITH INCREASE!!!!

It has been another magical day. I love life. I have been blessed with the most amazing people to share life with. My sister's kids were so cute today. I feel as though I meet them anew every single time I am with them. They are always saying the craziest, most unexpected things. They always have something new that they can do or like or know. I love them more all the time, and I would do anything for those kids. And I can tell that they are getting more familiar and comfortable around me. It is such an honor to be a part of these people's lives from such an early age, and to have some sort of influence on them. They love with such abandon, and it is the simplest of things that gives them the greatest joy. All I have to do is tackle or tickle, and all of a sudden I'm their hero. It's a wonderful feeling :)

Liam (age 3) has been having nightmares, apparently. One day when he was spending the night, my Mom told him that he should just pray to Jesus and that he would keep the bad dreams away. The next evening, my mom and sister were talking about prayer and faith, and Liam piped up "last night, I prayed that Jesus would take my nightmares away, and then I wasn't afraid anymore!" I was struck by his level of faith without understanding or depth of knowledge. This from the kid who, at times, is barely coherent in his animated rambling.

Today I was studying in Matthew 9. This is such crazy, challenging stuff. It brings me back to the base of it all-- that full understanding is not a requirement to receiving the Kingdom of God in your life (and therefore giving it away.) God chose to heal those who came with a desperation and a simple belief that Jesus was able to heal them through the power of God. Never once did he say, "you are healed because you are a good person" or "because you know a lot about God" even. Three times in the chapter, Jesus credits the faith of the recipient (or even the recipient's friends!) as the reason for their healing.

Lord, I ask for an increase of child-like faith. For even faith itself is a gift from You. I pray that on the days when I don't even physically feel your presence or feel like ministering to people, that I will stand firm in You and know that your presence is with me! Your victorious love and the faith that you have set in my heart overcomes all obstacles in my path-- including my own emotions and logical reasoning. May it always be so. Give me opportunities even today to step out into the discomfort of the unknown to bring You to people in incredible ways. You are the only one worth believing.

Matthew 9:2

"Some men brought to him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.'"

Matthew 9:22

"Jesus turned and saw her. 'Take heart, daughter,' he said, 'your faith has healed you.' And the woman was healed from that moment."

Matthew 9:29

"And he touched their eyes and said, 'According to your faith will it be done to you.'"

Don't be afraid of your blind belief/ Because the more you fly the more you'll see

Extravagant Love.

I just deleted everything I was going to post, because I read it over and deemed it inappropriate to tell the world... lol. Not that it was bad. Just something that should be kept between God and myself. But the title remains the same.

Today has been a series of heart-wrenching moments. I have felt so supremely cared for, which is so good. When you know that you are cared for, you know that you can care for others. This is what today has been about for me. The realization of how love acts. You receive so that you can give. How amazing it is that, as a lover of Christ, we keep receiving and receiving and receiving, so that we can give without measure to others. This is the glorious power behind our message. We come to God as our source, day after day after day, knowing that he will supply us with everything we need. Knowing that he will give us more than enough, so that we can pass on the blessing and will never be in lack of anything. We truly are the body; pumping life-blood through the entire system so that everything remains alive and growing and thriving. Life in Christ is not just having enough to get by; it is having more than you know what to logically do with. It is having to ask the Holy Spirit where he wants you to offload some of the immeasurable wealth that he has given to you. It is knowing that wealth is more than green paper that will burn or pretty houses that will crumble. We hold the keys to life and reality.

Matthew 6 has been looping in my mind for the past few days. I have read the passage so many times, and have been comforted by the "do not worry about tomorrow" part. But what I never have quite grasped before now was the verse that succeeds it: "but seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things will be added to you." It comes with a command and a promise. This is what life is about. Seeking his Kingdom and his righteousness. Not one without the other, which would be lacking in either power or obedience... but both, together. Complete. Relationship with the righteous King. And he promises provision of every kind.

Sooooooooooo gooooooooood!!!

Matthew 6:31-34

Therefore, do not worry, saying "what shall we eat?" or "what shall we drink?" or "what shall we wear?"

For after all these things the Gentiles (pagans) seek. For your heavenly Father knows you need all these things.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Christians are so afraid of Christ.

Once in a while, I really come to terms with how inconsistent most Christians are with living through Christ. It is so uncomfortable to live a Christian lifestyle. SO uncomfortable!!! It doesn't resemble anything normal or cool or trendy, and Jesus said the most whacked out stuff. Ever.

But religion has made Christianity so comfortable. I wish I had more time to elaborate on what I really mean by this. Most Christians have reduced the gospel down to a bunch of rules and rituals. The Holy Spirit is the person who lives inside of you and acts as your conscience. End of story? How dare we!

I crave reality. That is all I desire. Just give me what is real and righteous. I seek His kingdom and His righteousness, to bring his presence to more people here on the earth!!! This is not something you can just toss around logically in your mind, this is radical stuff! It is how the Christian life was meant to be lived. Radically. We began as a small group of persecuted radicals. Why have we become so acceptable to the world? They are supposed to hate us!! But then, we are bringing nothing confrontational to their realm; nothing that ruffles their fur. All we have to show for our faith are dry church services, most of which never affect anyone who doesn't attend them. We have not healed their sick, fed their poor, or cast out their demons. Doctors and lawyers and psychiatrists are still a necessity in the lives of many. If all we have is this religion that contains God in a box and harbors all that he wishes to do for us and through us, then we aren't fighting the enemy, but fighting for him.

Jesus was the perfect model for which we are to aim. So why don't we dare step out in faith, and believe that God will follow through? This is the reality of which I speak. I have seen, with my own eyes, healings of many kinds. I have been in the presence of demons and angels alike, and I have heard prophecy that could not have been from the mind of a man. I cannot hold this in. God MUST have his way! His kingdom WILL come on earth!!! And I am determined to see it! If the Spirit of Christ lives in me, what power can stand against me?

One of the main things that brought about these thoughts is seeing amazing acts of God, such as the YouTube videos on the healing revivals at Disneyland, and realizing that the harshest and most frequent critics are other Christians. It is good to test the spirits and make sure that something is of God, yes. But what of people who don't test the spirits, and judge it to be a false spirit? This is so common, and so scary. The spirit of religion is the most imprisoning and terrifying spirit of all...

Matthew 12:31-32

Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men.

Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.


Thy kingdom come, thy will be done... On Earth as it is in Heaven.

"Give me forty days" (and so it is...)

Hello.

It's Abby. This is my first blog entry of many-- forty at least. This blog has very little to do with myself and needing a blogging vent to get my angst out (which has been the primary purpose for all of my previous blogs.) Instead, it has everything to do with commitment; being intentional in my devotion to Christ, and being open with you about what He is sharing with me. It started a few days ago...

My darling friend Cari mentioned that she had deactivated her facebook account (yet again...) but has been blogging a lot. She told me I should get one. I didn't reply, but rejected the idea in my heart. I have had blogs before. They made me analyze everything. I felt like such an emo kid. Even still, I only post notes up on facebook when I really can't hold something in any longer. Sometimes I do get the urge to write something, but I shrug it off with the notion that I don't have anything important to share with everyone.

But I do. God gives us new manna every day. This living bread is the only thing that will satisfy your spirit and soul. He is so good, and he does indeed share new things with me every single day. Some days I listen and dwell in his wonder for a long while. Other days, I barely give it a thought as I wander about my day. But this is not how I want my life to go. I don't want to be inconsistent in my walk. I want to listen, and I want to share. Every day.

So this is my little outlet. A few days ago, as I was wondering whether a blog might not be such a bad idea after all, I heard that voice in my head... "Give me your mind for forty days; spend forty uninterrupted days with me. Come away with me." He knows I need it. This is the summer that never quite feels like summer, and I'm not just talking about the weather.

Life is so up and down, so chaotic. I have grown up a lot in the past couple of months. I am no longer a child, and there are very few adolescent characteristics left in me. God has matured me, and I have let him into every area of my life. Circumstances right now are so, so hard. My old nature screams for "justice". It screams at me to hate, to give in to consuming anger, and to hold on to every grudge. My old nature would justify the anger by calling it protection. But it is a perversion of protection and justice. There is no malice left in my heart, and the anger is directed at the world and its ways. Today, in the car, I realized what I had not done and needed to do. What thought I had played in my mind over and over again, I had never thought to speak to the wind. So I did. I opened my mouth, and wailed, "I forgive you!" What followed was a little pained squeak of a sound. It made me laugh. Something had just died. That part of me that wanted to be selfish and self-righteous. Who wanted everyone to play life by my rules. It died right there and then in the car.

Here's a passage from church this morning. Taken from my new NKJV, which I love.

Colossians 3:1-2

"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory."

Have I told you that I love you yet today? Well, I do.

There is truth all around you. Not the sort that the world tells you will enlighten you. There is truth that will satisfy more than your mind. Accept the grace. There is peace on the other side.

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.