"Give me forty days" (and so it is...)

Hello.

It's Abby. This is my first blog entry of many-- forty at least. This blog has very little to do with myself and needing a blogging vent to get my angst out (which has been the primary purpose for all of my previous blogs.) Instead, it has everything to do with commitment; being intentional in my devotion to Christ, and being open with you about what He is sharing with me. It started a few days ago...

My darling friend Cari mentioned that she had deactivated her facebook account (yet again...) but has been blogging a lot. She told me I should get one. I didn't reply, but rejected the idea in my heart. I have had blogs before. They made me analyze everything. I felt like such an emo kid. Even still, I only post notes up on facebook when I really can't hold something in any longer. Sometimes I do get the urge to write something, but I shrug it off with the notion that I don't have anything important to share with everyone.

But I do. God gives us new manna every day. This living bread is the only thing that will satisfy your spirit and soul. He is so good, and he does indeed share new things with me every single day. Some days I listen and dwell in his wonder for a long while. Other days, I barely give it a thought as I wander about my day. But this is not how I want my life to go. I don't want to be inconsistent in my walk. I want to listen, and I want to share. Every day.

So this is my little outlet. A few days ago, as I was wondering whether a blog might not be such a bad idea after all, I heard that voice in my head... "Give me your mind for forty days; spend forty uninterrupted days with me. Come away with me." He knows I need it. This is the summer that never quite feels like summer, and I'm not just talking about the weather.

Life is so up and down, so chaotic. I have grown up a lot in the past couple of months. I am no longer a child, and there are very few adolescent characteristics left in me. God has matured me, and I have let him into every area of my life. Circumstances right now are so, so hard. My old nature screams for "justice". It screams at me to hate, to give in to consuming anger, and to hold on to every grudge. My old nature would justify the anger by calling it protection. But it is a perversion of protection and justice. There is no malice left in my heart, and the anger is directed at the world and its ways. Today, in the car, I realized what I had not done and needed to do. What thought I had played in my mind over and over again, I had never thought to speak to the wind. So I did. I opened my mouth, and wailed, "I forgive you!" What followed was a little pained squeak of a sound. It made me laugh. Something had just died. That part of me that wanted to be selfish and self-righteous. Who wanted everyone to play life by my rules. It died right there and then in the car.

Here's a passage from church this morning. Taken from my new NKJV, which I love.

Colossians 3:1-2

"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory."

Have I told you that I love you yet today? Well, I do.

There is truth all around you. Not the sort that the world tells you will enlighten you. There is truth that will satisfy more than your mind. Accept the grace. There is peace on the other side.

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.